Complexity
by xxbasementjaxx
Summary: Iruka has been brutally tortured by Mist, and he's left as a broken man. Thankfully he has Kakashi. Kakairu - nothing graphic


**A/N: It has come to my attention that a lot of people suffer from this, especially soldiers. I just thought I'd give a shout out to people who do suffer from this. I also thought I'd mix in a little kakairu :)**

**Enjoy**

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**Complexity**

The room is dark, and it looks empty in Iruka's eyes. He doesn't know how long he's been sitting in his chair, or if it is even a chair. He could be anywhere... even back in Mist... The shadows on the floor, created by the light from the window, move. They move quicker than any shadow should. He's so hungry, painfully hungry, but he can't move. He's stuck, stuck inside his brain and there's no way to get out. All he can do is watch the shadows, the shadows that are so meaningless to everyday lives, but are the only thing that he can focus on. Without them, he fears that he may be stuck like this forever...

Iruka fell off his chair, gasping for breath. That time was longer, much longer. He reckoned that most of his day had gone, and he would have been glad for that except that meant it was night time. And night time meant nightmares.

It had started because of Mist. They had tortured him; they had put him through hell and back. But he hadn't cracked, not even a little bit. He was proud of that; that he hadn't let his village down. But there was a little part of him that hated his loyalty, because now it meant he suffered. And he suffered a lot; too much. If there was anything to make him crack, it would be the suffering caused after it.

He would get moments where he suddenly zoned out. His head would be permanently off in the clouds, and he wouldn't be able to come back to reality even if he wanted to. He had to wait it out until his brain decided it was ok for him to be normal again. He supposed it was a defence mechanism – so his body wouldn't be able to feel anything, and so he wouldn't be able to spill secrets even if he wanted to. Some defence mechanism if it only kicked in after he had been rescued. It left him disoriented. He would snap out with no realisation of time, of place, of himself. Sometimes it took him hours to finally understand what time it was, where he was, who he was. But today was a better day. Iruka was able to lift himself from the floor, check his clock and understand the time, dress himself for bed and tuck himself in. He hoped the nightmares wouldn't come, but he was never too hopeful, because he always knew the answer.

He desperately wanted sleep, but he dreaded the nightmares. He knew they weren't real, even when he was experiencing them, but they still scared him. They left him sweating, sometimes screaming, sometimes on the floor. They exhausted him, and he wanted so desperately to go to sleep, but he was too scared to. Even his brain was too scared sometimes; his brain wouldn't let him sleep for days on end, and he'd have to spend those days completely out of it, with not enough energy to concentrate on everyday things. He had taken to using sleeping pills, so they would knock him out completely, so even his brain would be too tired to conjure up the nightmares. He never had much luck; they were never strong enough to silence his brain.

The nightmares didn't just act at night. They haunted him in the day too. They were re-enactments of his nightmares. He would see them in his living room, his kitchen, his bathroom, his bedroom, everywhere. He could feel the pain, almost as if it were real. It so nearly was, but he had to cling on to the fact that they weren't. They weren't real, and they couldn't hurt him, but they still scared him.

All in all, he was left as a useless, broken man. He hadn't left, hadn't been able to leave, his flat for at least a week, maybe more maybe less, he couldn't remember. The food in his fridge was running out, his sleeping pills had long since gone, not that they had helped in anyway. He had been given recuperation leave after he had been discharged from the hospital, but he couldn't remember how long the leave was. But it didn't really matter as he couldn't remember how long he had been off for.

Iruka shakily got out of bed. He was drenched in sweat and his muscles were quivering, but he felt triumphant that he hadn't screamed that night.

He wasn't bothered to have a shower, wasn't bothered with life on that matter, but he made himself have one anyway. He was determined not to be defeated by Mist. He was going to have the last laugh even if they wouldn't be able to hear him.

He forced himself to have a light breakfast, a dry slice of toast, some fruit and cup of green tea. His hands shook so much as he prepared the meal, and as he ate it. It wasn't long before the storming butterflies in his stomach forced him to vomit up half the food he had consumed.

He left the bathroom and sat on the sofa, running his fingers through his hair. What was he supposed to do? Taking missions was out of the question; he'd fall apart under the slightest stress. He couldn't teach like this, no way. He'd only scare the pre-genin. They probably wouldn't even recognise him. Working at the mission office? He wouldn't be able to concentrate for more than an hour, let alone keep the jounin under his thumb.

There was a knock at the door, and it startled him so much that he dropped his tea cup, and jumped again at the sound of it shattering on the floor. He stood still, half scared that he wouldn't be able to make it to the door without his brain taking control, half scared of who was behind the door.

In the end, he didn't have to move. The door was forced open. Any traps that had been prepared were easily deflected.

"Iruka-sensei?" Someone called out. Iruka didn't move. For once he actually wanted what his brain was making him do.

Footsteps padded around the apartment, and his name was called again. Things were becoming fuzzy, and he couldn't really hear anymore. Oh yeah, he thought to himself, Brain makes me blackout sometimes.

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"Drink up," a friendly voice instructed him. His eyes remained blank, staring ahead, his whole body numb. Something guided his hand, which held a cup of tea, to his mouth. He didn't really understand how the cup was even in his hand, let alone this random person in his house.

"Is that better?" A head appeared in front of his face... he'd seen that head before... the shock of silver hair, the strangely masked lower face, the covered eye...

"Kakashi," Iruka murmured.

"That's me," Iruka could somehow tell he was smiling despite the fact that he couldn't see his mouth.

After a few deep breathes, he was back to his normal self. Or as normal as he could be. He finished his cup of tea and relaxed into the sofa. Kakashi sat down opposite him. "You sure did scare me there, Iruka-sensei,"

"I-I-I'm sorry..." he mumbled. He looked down at himself again, annoyed at his body. "Kakashi-san, why are you in my house?"

Kakashi's eyebrow lifted, half in surprise and half in amusement. "Why do you think I'm here?"

Iruka sighed. He had never felt so useless in his life, not even when he was still the prankster that wanted attention. "So I need a baby-sitter now, do I?"

Kakashi looked down and didn't reply. Frustrated, Iruka stood up, only to collapse, crying out in pain. Kakashi caught him before he touched the floor."Careful. you got a little violent earlier, and you hurt your leg."

Kakashi helped him back onto the sofa, and sat beside him this time. "What happened? Did I say anything?"

"Nothing unusual for someone who has suffered as you have." Iruka leaned back and didn't say anything. "Look," Kakashi began, "I'm not going to tell you that everything's going to be alright, because sometimes it's not, and you know that. I'm not going to baby you, I'm not going to treat you like a piece of glass and skirt around the subject of Mist. But I do know what it's like to suffer like you are. It's true, it never goes away, but you can always make it manageable. You just have to try, and I realise that you're trying your hardest, but every now and then people need help. You're not weak, you're not useless and you're not a feeble shinobi for feeling the way you do, and needing help. Tsunade sent me because she knows we get on well, and she knows that I've been through tough shit – and I'm not saying that what you went through is nothing compared to what I have, because it's not, you can't compare things like that. So come on, let's work together with this. We can beat the anxiety, the stress, the nightmares, everything. We're stronger as a team."

Iruka turned to look at him. "Thanks," he muttered. "I'd forgotten what humanity was like."

Kakashi smiled, a smile Iruka could see despite the mask. "Come on, let's look at that leg."

He helped him up and carefully supported the limping Iruka to the bathroom. He rolled up his trouser leg and bound the sprained knee as tightly as he could. Iruka's stomach growled, and Kakashi looked at him. For the first time in at least a month, Iruka laughed. "Looks like someone's been neglecting their dietary needs," Kakashi said with a smile in his voice.

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Iruka screamed. Someone came in and started talking to him, but he shied away from the noise, kicking his legs and flailing his arms, trying to deflect off any danger.

"Iruka! Listen to me, it was just a dream," Kakashi spoke loudly and clearly, and slowly Iruka became aware that he was awake, and that he was safe. He stopped struggling and leaned against the bed head, panting. "Iruka? Can you hear me?" He nodded his head weakly.

"It's never going to go away, is it?" It was a rhetorical question, but Kakashi shook his head anyway.

"But it will become manageable. Never forget that. It won't go away, but you'll be able to keep it under control, until it won't even disturb you anymore."

Iruka sighed. "That's never going to happen. How long has been, three weeks?"

Kakashi saw on the edge of the bed and leaned towards him. "It will, trust me." With that, he leaned even closer and delicately kissed his lips.

If the action surprised Iruka, he didn't show it. He responded to the kiss and tilted his head so they could kiss deeper. He opened his mouth, and Kakashi slipped his tongue in. Slowly, his lifted an arm to touch Iruka's arm, and the two were soon hugging as they kissed.

They finally parted, and Iruka found himself staring up close into mismatched eyes. He couldn't remember when Kakashi had lifted his hitai-ate. "Trust me, you will get over this." He gave him another peck on the lips before leaning back into his sitting position. Iruka smiled, a smile full of hope.

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**Please review if you liked it :)**


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